Tag Archives: urban beer nerd

I’m Still Beer

I'm Still Here, I'm Still Beer

I’ve been trying to cut back on the consumption of beer and other alcoholic beverages lately to get my slovenly ass into some kind of (mental and physical) shape, and to give my swollen liver a break. (Doctor’s orders.) As such, I’ve been staying away from this blog.

It’s difficult to immerse yourself in beer-related subject matter, a necessary action for any self-respecting beer blogger–at least in my opinion–and not drink beer.

But I wanted to let you know I’m still here. And I’m still beer.

In the past, I’ve tried to post as often as possible on this blog, but that’s just not the reality for me at this point. In the future, my posts will be more spread out, but you’ll probably see less ranting and raving about how much I hate Budweiser and other silly subjects. So there’s that.

UBN

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Urban Beer Nerd Self Portrait

Urban Beer Nerd self portrait

Conventional blog wisdom suggests that people want to feel like they know the writers they read. I have no idea why. Writers are idiots. And bloggers suck. Trust me. I know. You can’t really know someone without seeing what they look like. Well, I guess you can, but you’ll always be curious about appearance. So I decided to share a self portrait. And what better way to get one than with a shitty cell phone camera and a dirty bathroom mirror, just like all the fools on Instagram do. Ladies, gentlemen and everyone in between, I give you my Urban Beer Nerd self portrait.

UBN

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Will Work for Cantillon

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Seriously. What’s a blogger gotta do for a regular supply of Cantillon lambic?

UBN

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So You Want to Be a Beer Nerd?

Charles Bukowski drinking beer

if Craft Beer doesn’t go rushing into you
in spite of everything,
don’t drink it.
unless Craft Beer flows unasked into your
heart and your mind and your mouth
and your gut,
don’t drink Craft Beer.
if you have to sit for hours
staring at your refrigerator
or hunched over a
bartop
deciding if you’re going to have a Craft Beer,
don’t drink it.
if you’re drinking Craft Beer for money or
fame,
don’t drink it.
if you’re drinking Craft Beer because you want
women in your bed,
don’t drink it.
if you do not have to sit there and
drink Craft Beer again and again,
don’t drink it.
if it’s hard work just thinking about drinking Craft Beer,
don’t drink it.
if you’re trying to drink it like somebody
else,
forget about Craft Beer.

if you have to wait for Craft Beer to roar into
you,
then wait patiently.
if it never does roar into you,
drink something else.

if you first have to drink Craft Beer with your wife
or your girlfriend or your boyfriend
or your parents or anybody at all,
you’re not ready.

don’t be like so many Craft Beer drinkers,
don’t be like so many thousands of
people who call themselves Craft Beer drinkers,
don’t be dull and boring and
pretentious, don’t be consumed with self-
love.
the Beer bars of the world have
yawned themselves to
sleep
over your kind.
don’t add to that.
don’t drink Craft Beer.
unless Craft Beer flows into
your soul like a rocket,
unless not drinking Craft Beer would
drive you to madness or
suicide or murder,
don’t drink it.
unless the need inside you is
burning your gut,
don’t drink Craft Beer.

when it is truly time,
and if you have been chosen,
Craft Beer will do it by
itself and Craft Beer will keep on doing it
until you die or Craft Beer dies in you.

there is no other way to be a true Beer Nerd.

and there never was.

UBN

(If you enjoyed this poem at all you should really check out Charles Bukowski’s version. Even if you hated this post, check out Hank’s poem.)

Image via mbwctop.blogspot.com

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