Category Archives: Rants

AB InBev’s Latest Monstrosity: Bud Light Lime ‘Straw-Ber-Rita’

Bud Light Straw-ber-ita can

One of the worst days of 2012 for me was a few days before Christmas, when my underage, college-going niece asked me to buy her and her two cheerleader friends a “30 rack of Bud Light Lime.”

I refused, of course. Not because I didn’t want to buy beer for a 19 year old and her giggly buddies—I’m a lowlife, after all. I refused because she used the term “30 rack of Bud Light Lime.”

Bud Light is relatively cheap. It’s not challenging. It’s low in alcohol so even amateur drunks can consume it for long periods of time. And it’s consistent, so you know what you’re getting every time you buy a “30 rack.” For these reasons and more, it’s incredibly popular.

But Bud Light is also boring. So AB InBev has to use lots of silly marketing techniques to keep young drinkers and people who don’t actually like beer interested. Techniques that include making beer that tastes like things that don’t taste like beer. Fruit juice, for example, and then putting it in brightly color cans and bottles of all shapes and sizes.

According to a tweet from CNBCBeerNews on Twitter, Bud Light Lime was the second most popular new alcohol release of 2012. I have no idea if this is true or what the number one new release was—probably something that tastes even less like beer than Bud Light Lime. But I know Bud Light Lime is hugely popular among college students, particularly female coeds. And I bet AB InBev’s brand new Bud Light Lime Straw-ber-rita, which is reportedly being released today, will be equally popular.

If you honestly like Bud Light Lime, man, you should drink it to your heart’s content and not care what anybody else thinks. To each his (or her) own. But I dread the day that I have I hear the term “30 rack of Bud Light Lime Straw-ber-rita.” I don’t even like writing it.

Fuck a Straw-ber-ita; drink a damn margarita is you want a beverage that tastes like one.


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AB InBev Responds to Watered-Down Budweiser Lawsuit with Snide Ad, Lies

AB InBev's watered down Budweiser ad

I’ve blasted AB InBev and Budweiser many times on this blog. And every time I sling harsh criticism at Budweiser, creepers come out of the woodwork to blast me for blasting Budweiser because it is apparently a beer-snob thing to do. It’s also apparently cool to defend Budweiser these days, because Budweiser’s brewmasters are actually talented brewers who create a remarkably consistent product on an insanely huge scale, which, I am told, takes real skill.

I’ll give AB InBev and Budweiser that much. They do a great job of creating cheap, shitty-tasting beer. Lots of people love Budweiser, and that’s all fine and good—lots of people love McDonald’s food, but I wouldn’t say McDonald’s serves good grub. I have family members who turn down the expensive craft brews I bring to functions for Bud Light. But the people who faithfully drink Bud products are usually more interesting in price and the ability to buy large quantities in a single, discounted pack. These people typically want non-challenging brew that tastes just like it did when they first drank it in high school. Good for them.

But I digress.

AB InBev is currently being accused of false advertisement and sued for watering down its Budweiser beer and therein offering a lower alcohol content than its bottles/cans suggest, according to In response to the claims, AB InBen ran a big ol’ ad in 10 newspapers last Sunday. (See above image.)

I won’t get into the merits or lack thereof in the case against Budweiser. I don’t really give a shit. Not a single one. The ad points out that the company has donated millions of cans of water to the American Red Cross and other disaster relief causes. And that’s admirable. But its donated water has absolutely nothing to do with the charges filed against the company.

The text at the bottom of the ad sums up why I harbor such harsh feelings toward AB InBev and its Bud Mud: The company is sketchy.

“[T]he beer in your hand is the best beer we know how to brew. We take no shortcuts and make no exceptions ever.”

That is complete bullshit. The adjuncts AB InBev uses, such as corn and rice, to reduce the costs of its brewing process are the definition of shortcuts and exceptions, are they not? Using a cheaper, inferior product to cut costs is a clear shortcut.

I also honestly have trouble believing that Budweiser’s talented brewmaster believe that they couldn’t make better beer than the low-quality lager they sell under the Budweiser name. Those brewers may love Budweiser and drink it regularly. But the best beer they could make? I doubt it.


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MA Isn’t Getting Stone Enjoy By 2.15.13 IPA After All—Neither is TX or MO

Stone Brewing Enjoy By IPA Twitter Conversation

Earlier this month, Stone Brewing Co. announced the markets in which the latest batch of its stellar Enjoy By IPA will be available. The company posted a confusing blog entry to introduce the beer and the markets, and it mentioned the little social media promotion it used when the last batch of Enjoy By was released.

I wrote a blog post listing the markets, and I reached out to Stone via Twitter for some clarification on whether or not the states that “won” the social media contest-deal would get the latest batch, Enjoy By 2.15.13, because I thought that was the point of the whole promotion. Stone sent me a direct messaging saying the winning states, Texas, Massachusetts and Missouri, would indeed be getting more Enjoy By. And since I asked specifically if these states would be getting the 2.15.13 batch, I thought Stone’s response meant that these three states would be on the Enjoy By 2.15.13 distribution list. I then updated my blog post with the new information

But apparently I was wrong. And I’m a bit pissed off. I’m not pissed that I won’t be able to get any Enjoy By 2.15.13 in my home state of Massachusetts. It’s just beer. (Okay, I’m a little pissed about that.) I’m pissed Stone told me that the beer would be coming to the three states I asked about. I reported that on my blog, which makes me look foolish for posting misinformation. I take this blog very seriously, even if it is just a silly beer blog. I value every reader, and I hate posting misinformation.

Looking at Stone’s Twitter response, I see that it could mean Massachusetts will get more Enjoy By IPA at a later date, and not the Enjoy By 2.15.13. But I asked Stone specifically about this batch. (See the Twitter conversation above.) And apparently it was never coming to my area—or Texas or Missouri.

Anyway, I apologize for the confusion. I’m a big fan of Stone, but I’m not pleased. If they didn’t make such damn good beer (read my review of Enjoy By 12.21.12 here) I might be inclined to boycott them…or at least talk shit on this blog and on social network.


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Beery Christmas and Hoppy Holidays from Your (Un)Friendly Urban Beer Nerd


Ah, Christmas. That wonderful time of year when families and friends gather together to eat (too much) and drink (too much), give each other gifts they can’t really afford that nobody really wants and fight (thanks to too much drink) over animosities that built up during the past year. Joy.

Or maybe you’re one of those happy people who actually enjoys the holidays. If so, fuck you ya happy bastard.

This is the last post of 2012 for this Urban Beer Nerd because as much as I enjoy writing this blog, my day job is also writing and editing, so posting still kind of feels like “work” to me. And I really need a vacation.

That said, I wish you as beery a Christmas as possible and an extra hoppy New Year. Thanks for reading, and see ya in 2013.


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Meat-Head Infants Love Keg Stands Too

ASU Baby Keg Stand Image

I’m pretty sure this is the first baby-keg-stand picture I’ve ever seen. It’s definitely the best baby-keg-stand picture I’ve seen. It was apparently posted to the site by some Arizona State University tailgater.

I don’t condone infant drinking. In fact, whenever I see a baby with a beer in its pudgy mitt, I give that little bastard the Stink Eye. Baby drunks are the worst. They can’t even speak, but suddenly they know everything. They try to start fights with everybody, and they cry randomly.

Joking aside—and I’m pretty sure that’s all this picture is, a joke—the people getting all up in arms about this ridiculous pic need to chill the fuck out. (I’m looking at you, Anna-Megan Raley of’s FanZone blog.) In general, I’m not a fan of jock douche-bags who do kegs stands, but I don’t think anyone is hurting the kid by making him pose for some silly picture.

Cat with a Red Sox hat

This baby keg-stand photo is the equivalent of me putting a Red Sox hat on my cat and snapping a shot of him, which I’m sure would really piss off some cat-loving Yankee-fan nutcase.


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Bullshit ‘Study’ Says Democrats Drink Better Beer Than Republicans

Beer Graphic Based on Scarborough Research Data

U.S. Democrats are significantly more likely to drink a micro-brewed beer than their Republican counterparts, according to some data from Scarborough Research that was crunched by

This Urban Beer Nerd is calling bullshit. Common sense tells me that your taste buds have absolutely nothing to do with your political persuasion. (Brand loyalty might, and one political party may be more drawn to a specific beer brand than another party, but that’s a different story than the one presented in National Journal post.)

The “study” is reportedly based on interviews with 200,000 adult Americans, but I couldn’t find any more information on the survey base on Scarborough’s website, which, by the way, looks like it was designed by a seventh grader in 1996.

From the National Journal:

“Americans who most often drink Dos Equis are in the middle-of-the-road while drinkers of Heineken’s flagship brand are strongly Democratic. Samuel Adams drinkers are strongly Republican, and more likely to vote.”

Yeeeeeaaaaah, right. Visit for more misleading conclusions. Or check out a few more data points I pulled myself from the data graphic you see above—but, please, take them with a grain of salt.

  • Bud Light (blech) was the single most popular beer among those surveyed, which tells you something about the demographic of the survey base—respondents probably don’t read this blog.
  • Democrats are more likely to drink good beer, or “micro brew” beer, than Republicans. And those Democrats who do drink craft beer are likely to vote in the Presidential election.
  • The vast majority of Sierra Nevada drinkers surveyed say they plan to vote in the election, while most of the Lone Star beer drinkers (double blech) say they will not vote.

Ah, “studies.” I’m still amused by the one that suggests curved beer glasses make you drink faster. Shit, studies like these make me drink faster—and more often.


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Today is National Drink Beer Day…But What the Hell is National Drink Beer Day?

Beer Bottles on a shelf

Today is supposedly National Drink Beer Day—NATIONAL DRINK BEER DAY!

Sounds great, right? But do beer nerds and brew aficionados really need another excuse to drink good beer on a Friday? No, we don’t.

So what the hell is National Drink Beer Day, anyway?

I can’t seem to find any sort of “official” reference to National Drink Beer Day, and therefore, I have no idea who decided that September 28 should get the honor of being a beer holiday. Nor can I tell if this is the first year we’re celebrating National Drink Beer Day. For all I know, Anheuser-Busch or one of the other Wal-Marts of the beer world came up with the idea.

It’s worth noting that International Drink Beer Day has its own website, and it was held last month on August 5. It was organized by “two guys, dedicated to uniting the world in celebration of beer.” And the website even has a nice little breakdown of the “holiday:”

The purpose of IBD is threefold:

  1. To gather with friends and enjoy the deliciousness that is beer.
  2. To celebrate the dedicated men and women who brew and serve our beer.
  3. To bring the world together under the united banner of beer, by celebrating the beers of all nations and cultures together on this one remarkable day.

I can find no such information on National Drink Beer Day, so I’m calling bullshit on the whole shebang. But you know what? I’ll still be drinking a beer today. And you should too. Cheers.


(Image via

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UBN PSA: Recycle Your Damn Empties

Empty Beer Bottles for recycling in a box

This Urban Beer Nerd public service announcement should be a no-brainer: Responsible drinkers always recycle their empty beer bottles and cans.

Beer nerds accumulate lots of empties, and we all need to do our part to make sure they don’t end up in a river or something, even if it’s a pain in the ass sometimes to haul loads of empties back to liquor stores and line them up in boxes based on color or jam them into an automatic bottle-return machine. Just do it.

My asshole neighbor continues to throw bottles and cans away instead of recycling, and it pissed me off to no end when I see a bag filled with empties in our trashcan. Don’t be that guy. If you live in a city or densely populated area in a state that requires bottle deposits and you don’t want to recycle them yourself, leave your bottles and cans on the sidewalk; somebody will take them.


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Best. Bottle Cap. Ever: Stone’s ‘Hated by Many, Loved by Few’ Cap

Stone Brewing Co. Hated by Many, Loved by Few bottle cap

Whenever I’m having a particularly bad day or blog trolls start wearing on me, I glance over at my Stone Brewing Co. “Hated by Many, Loved by Few” bottle cap and smile. The cap, which I got from one of Stone’s Bastard brews—I can’t remember if it was an Arrogant Bastard Ale, an Oaked Arrogant Bastard or a Double Bastard—has been hanging from a thumb tack near my office desk for a couple of years now. And it always reminds me, in times of doubt, that it’s okay to go against the grain and write what other people don’t necessarily want to hear, as long as it’s accurate and/or what you truly believe.

On that note: Fuck you, haters.


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