So You Want to Be a Beer Nerd?

Charles Bukowski drinking beer

if Craft Beer doesn’t go rushing into you
in spite of everything,
don’t drink it.
unless Craft Beer flows unasked into your
heart and your mind and your mouth
and your gut,
don’t drink Craft Beer.
if you have to sit for hours
staring at your refrigerator
or hunched over a
bartop
deciding if you’re going to have a Craft Beer,
don’t drink it.
if you’re drinking Craft Beer for money or
fame,
don’t drink it.
if you’re drinking Craft Beer because you want
women in your bed,
don’t drink it.
if you do not have to sit there and
drink Craft Beer again and again,
don’t drink it.
if it’s hard work just thinking about drinking Craft Beer,
don’t drink it.
if you’re trying to drink it like somebody
else,
forget about Craft Beer.

if you have to wait for Craft Beer to roar into
you,
then wait patiently.
if it never does roar into you,
drink something else.

if you first have to drink Craft Beer with your wife
or your girlfriend or your boyfriend
or your parents or anybody at all,
you’re not ready.

don’t be like so many Craft Beer drinkers,
don’t be like so many thousands of
people who call themselves Craft Beer drinkers,
don’t be dull and boring and
pretentious, don’t be consumed with self-
love.
the Beer bars of the world have
yawned themselves to
sleep
over your kind.
don’t add to that.
don’t drink Craft Beer.
unless Craft Beer flows into
your soul like a rocket,
unless not drinking Craft Beer would
drive you to madness or
suicide or murder,
don’t drink it.
unless the need inside you is
burning your gut,
don’t drink Craft Beer.

when it is truly time,
and if you have been chosen,
Craft Beer will do it by
itself and Craft Beer will keep on doing it
until you die or Craft Beer dies in you.

there is no other way to be a true Beer Nerd.

and there never was.

UBN

(If you enjoyed this poem at all you should really check out Charles Bukowski’s version. Even if you hated this post, check out Hank’s poem.)

Image via mbwctop.blogspot.com

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